Am I Doing Enough?

I have a confession to make.

I always feel like I could be doing more.

More therapy at a clinic. More therapy at home. More education. More appointments with new specialists. More hands-on time with both kids. More creative projects. More time spent working on speech and learning. More, more, more.

I spend so much time writing to-do lists and daily schedules so I can squeeze as much as possible into each and every day. Because I made the decision to take on Solly’s education this year, I’m working tirelessly to get him caught up with what his peers are doing, to make sure he doesn’t start his public school experience, whenever that will be, more behind than he already is. My entire life right now, every waking moment of every day, revolves around Solly’s care and education. And being a good Mama to Bea. And taking care of all the household everything. img_5573

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Living Life in Limbo: How We’re Doing in the Time of COVID-19

One of the biggest lessons Solly has taught me is that you can’t control everything. Keeping that in mind, it’s pretty ironic that he was born to a type-A, control freak – a.k.a. me.  It took me some time to learn how to go with the flow, but five years into our parenting journey, there’s not a whole lot that ruffles my feathers anymore. That being said, when the future is in limbo, I sometimes still struggle to remain calm and unworried.

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Snuggles at home

After we moved to California, everything was very much uncertain. Other than immediately getting Solly on the waitlist for weekly therapies, I didn’t worry about anything else: I figured things would eventually fall into place. And they did – we got a coveted weekly spot at NAPA Center for Physical, Occupational, and Speech therapies, I found a very sweet and super responsive pediatrician who Solly and I love, and we were able to make a dent in setting up our medical team, having one appointment with a neurodevelopmental optometrist and scheduled appointments with a well-respected pediatric neurologist and orthopedic surgeon. We even made contact with the school district to kick-start the IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) assessment process so Solly would be set up to start kindergarten in the Fall with all appropriate supports in place.

Then the COVID-19 pandemic hit. And, while we are all healthy and safe at home, a life in limbo became our unforeseeable future.

Here’s how we’re doing in all aspects of Solly’s life: Continue reading

Special Needs Sibs are Special

When your first child has special needs, you question having a second child.

You worry if they too will have a medical diagnosis.

If typical, you worry about their relationship with your first child. Will they be resentful? Will they know how to play together? What kind of relationship will they have? Will they bond?

You worry about your own relationship with them – will I have enough time to devote to them, considering my child with special needs requires so much of my time?

We had ALL of these worries when we were planning for Solly’s little sister, Bea. Once she arrived, though, those worries started to dissipate. Bea is 100% typical. She’s a chunky, milk lovin’, Sesame Street obsessed 21 month old. And she loves her brother to pieces.

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Sweet Bea

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Advice for a Family New to a Pediatric Stroke Diagnosis

Originally published on October 16th on the American Heart Association Support Network blog.

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No one expects to hear that their child has suffered a stroke. When a stroke diagnosis is given to an infant, child, or teenager, often the first thought is: “…but, wait, strokes only happen to the elderly. How can my child have had a stroke?” The first hours, days, and even months following that diagnosis can be overwhelming, confusing, and downright scary.

I should know. My son had three massive strokes at birth.

I’m now four years into my journey of parenting a perinatal stroke survivor. After a year of living in a pretty dark state of mind, I dusted myself off, dove into researching how to best care for my son, and have transformed myself into a confident caregiver of a child with special needs.

As part of my transformation, I’ve found myself helping other parents through this uncertain journey. When I’m approached by a family new to a pediatric stroke diagnosis, here’s what I tell them. Continue reading

There’s No “I” in Team

Parenting a kid like Solly has taught me more than I could have imagined. I mean, I could probably write a book simply listing everything I’ve learned, from medical terms to therapy movements to assistive technology and more.

My biggest takeaway so far is this: it’s ok to disagree with a doctor, specialist, therapist and find someone who is a good fit for your child.

Growing up, we always heeded our doctor’s advice: when I dislocated my shoulder, we took an X-ray and I went to physical therapy; when my adult teeth started growing crooked, it was three years of braces for me. Simple and straightforward. However, what I’ve found over the past (almost) four years is that medicine, particularly when you’re dealing with a unique organ like the brain, is often times more an art than a science. There’s no one correct way to rehab that unique organ.

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Miss Laura teaching us how to handle Solly so we can encourage proper body positioning

It took me over two years before I realized that not all doctors and therapists are created equal, especially not for a medically complex kiddo like Solly. Part of the delay in learning this is because we were insanely fortunate to be paired with the perfect physical therapist less than one month after Solly was discharged from the NICU. Her name is Miss Laura, and she still keeps tabs on Solly’s progress even though we haven’t seen her since we moved away from Washington, DC. What I’ve found in physical therapy is that many institutions approach rehabilitation by setting goals for gross motor skills and then moving a child towards those goals even if they aren’t ready for them. And what I mean by this is a common goal for Solly in the early days was sitting, holding quad position, walking, etc. But, often times, he wasn’t ready for those goals and would grow frustrated with therapy sessions because the therapist was essentially forcing him into and holding a position that he wasn’t physically ready to do. Continue reading